Suppose you are clear of your priorities in your life, and you REALLY are ready to have wellness like your life depends on it. What could still be stopping you or slowing you down? Let’s examine two of them – the fear of success and the fear of failure:
Sometimes we don’t put our resolutions in place because we could actually be afraid of succeeding. It’s because when we do succeed in changing our old way of being (e.g. starting at a gym, leave work at 6pm, communicating with honesty, etc) we are entering into an unfamiliar territory and sometimes it can be scary. Being in this new territory demands us to operate on a new level. But it’s always easier to stay in our “comfort” zone because we have become so used to being uncomfortable that it has become “comfortable”.
So as you decide to change something in your life, ask yourself IF IT IS OK to let go of the old ways. If there is something stopping you, write it down what it is. Ask yourself what you are getting out of from holding on or procrastinating. See what “benefits’ you are getting from holding on to the old ways and compare the benefits of changing, then you can make a choice.
Yet other times, we avoid action which brings us closer to our goals because we feel that we need to make sure everything is “perfect” first. We may spend months and years or a lifetime “figuring out” the best and perfect way (e.g. the “perfect diet”, the “perfect” combination of supplements to take, the “perfect” gym to go to…), and then nothing gets achieved. I think we agree that it’s not exactly a fulfilling way to live, but it keeps us from “failing”. Indeed if you have never tried anything, you sure will not “fail”, and you won’t “succeed” either.
No one is “perfect”, nothing is “perfect”, and if we can truly embrace the “imperfections” then everyone and everything is PERFECT already being the way they are at any moment. Instead of beating yourself up for not being “perfect” and making yourself get off an addiction cold turkey for example, make baby steps and acknowledge yourself every step of the way. Taking two steps forward and three steps back? It’s still perfect. As one of my clients put it at the end of our program, “I have now realized that guilt has no use.” It’s someone who has completed a detox on his own with great results and is still enjoying his beer every now and then. The difference is, he now knows it’s up to him to make a choice every moment – and he realizes that he can always do another detox!
Our subconscious mind is always doing things for our benefits or what it perceives to be beneficial to us. But when different parts of our mind are giving us conflicting commands, we first need to gain clarity. Doing this with a coach or a trained person who asks the right questions to guide you along might make it easier for you to get clarity. The next step is then to integrate the conflicting messages.And then of course, to take action and enjoy the process!
1. Visualize being successful at your new strategies.
2. Choose to make your choice (what to do and how and when to do it).
3. Release the notion of being perfect – simply make progress.
4. Get help if stuck.